The End Is Only Just The Beginning

Ocean Swimming Update #5

Hello everyone,
As some of my avid fans have noted, I actually had my name in ink in todays Sydney Morning Herald as one of 3328 official finishers' in the Cole Classic...though I know many of you enjoy my imaginative turn of phrase, I'm basically a bit buggered so will quote the SMH instead: "Relentless rain, pounding surf and the threat of bluebottles could not deter the thousands of hardy souls who gathered at Manly yesterday for the 27th Cole Classic ocean swim....Diehard competitors showed why the adrenalin rush and exhileration of ocean racing is growing around the world. It was a celebration of the lung-busting, limb-aching art of swimming in the sea".
Now, just a bit of trivia - there were 4500 registered starters for yesterdays race...and only 3328 official finishers. Conclusions to be drawn:
a) They'd heard about my Big Swim chundering and decided it was better to stay in bed than have to swim through my chum contributions!
b) They're a bunch of "soft" sydney-siders who have never experienced the gripping temperatures of Bass Strait all along the beaches of Victoria where the hardened ocean swimmers are raised
c) both of the above! In my case, it's a bit of a case of channeling the inimitable style of Frank Sinatra (sung to the tune of My Way): Yes there were times, I'm sure you knewWhen I bit off more than I could chew (or keep down for that matter)But through it all, when there was doubt (and there was loooots of that)I ate it up and spat it out (luckily in no specific direction)I faced it all and I stood tall (thank god for photoshop).........................I did it mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy waaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!
To be honest, weather conditions yesterday were not that frightening to me....they bore a striking similarity to any number of days all the Victorians on this email list can recall experiencing when on holidays down at Portsea (Harold Holt didn't disappear in that surf for no reason) or in my case, camping at Ocean Grove Caravan park with assorted other pleb's!! Manly was resplendant in miserable grey skies, seething inky surf (do you like that?) and more big wave surfers (who'd obviously had a late night on the magic weed) than you can poke a stick at!
My support team sensibly decided to ditch me for breakfast at the golden arches (see photo) and I walked from Manly round to Shelley Beach where the race was to depart from feeling amazingly calm. In many ways, it felt like just another training swim...which meant I could enjoy the experience and not feel too stressed! The race itself was a pleasure, I swam with a Cantoo buddy - a lovely girl (40+) who is petrified of big surf and is quite phobic about getting into the water but despite this had swum multiple ocean swims over christmas/january including last weeks Big Swim. We decided that we'd try to stay together and did indeed manage to do so, overcoming numerous overzealous swimmers who attempted to divide us, and even some who swam almost over the top of us! I think I showed true restraint and composure in not adopting the sort of "take no prisoners" approach that I am known for on the roads!!!
We ultimately completed the race together, coming out of the water and holding hands as we ran up the sand to the cheers of our Cantoo comrades...even got our names mentioned by the announcer as we crossed the line!!! Is this the time I remind everyone that my family was NOT there to cheer me on....clearly those Canadian's are too soft to stand out in a tiny bit of rain with three children for a couple of hours...on a beach...in the rain...not allowed to swim...soft I say!! Only joking, Saint Mike has well and truly earnt another halo to add to his growing collection over the last few months!
My final observations on ocean swimming deal with the issue of booeys (or "cans"). Is it perhaps a bit uncharitable for me to suggest that the use of these instruments of mass confusion is an issue that is just dying for some intervention? Let me paint the picture for you all...imagine yourself, out in the big blue yonder, courageously attempting to navigate your way around a swimming course whilst remembering to breathe, not do breastroke (big no no), and of course the obvious...NOT DROWN...and you've been advised by your coaches to remember to "sight the booey" as you crest the wave. Firstly, I don't crest the wave...I tend to sink into submission over the top of it when in that fraction of an instant I'm supposed to use my core strength (which I still haven't located) to rise up, head out of the water and look for my marker booey. Secondly, has no one noticed that these "marker booeys" don't mark very much at all when you're in the water and therefore your line of sight (via your head that is hopefully above water and not submerged) is approximately 25cm above the surface of the water. Oh, and let's not forget the water is MOVING and I'm moving and this does not necessarily enable my 40 yr old vision to focus on anything through my steamed up goggles!! No sooner do I think I've sighted something vaguely booey-looking than I'm down in another trough and trying to swim back to another one of those bloody crests!!!!
So, it strikes me that this is yet another area where the common sense unique to us feminine of the species has yet to make a break through. For goodness sake, let's get a marker booey that has some floaty balloons on it, perhaps with messages of support along the lines of "I'm over here you idiots" (note to self - reconsider supportive language). Now that would be useful. Instead, we have fluoro pink and orange colored booeys that still can't be easily seen and hence I tend to resemble a yacht (wish I physically had those sleek lines!!), desperately tacking my way towards the booey!! Booooo for the booooooeeys!!!!!
On that note, a high point of my canny observations on the joys of ocean swimming I shall leave you....but not before I mention the most fantastic thing of all about this entire experience...as of today, I have been sponsored the amazing figure of $2,440 by all of you generous readers! This is above and beyond what I expected and just goes to show why I should ditch expectations completely and absolutely!!
Cantoo is an amazing organization, staffed by fantastic people and supporting equally fantastic researchers into many areas of cancer study. I feel honoured to have been able to contribute to their cause by my efforts and thank you all for your generosity and wonderful words of encouragement.

Hello All My Loyal Supporter

Email Update #4
Hello to all my loyal supporters...and all the other hangers on who have just been too polite to tell me to get lost and stop emailing them these diatribes!!!
A wise woman is apparently quoted as saying: "The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." Somehow I don't think Eleanor Roosevelt was referring to a 2.7KM ocean swim...but I'll ride on her coattails anyway! Those of you that are more attentive will recall that when I embarked on the Cantoo Program my goal was to swim in the Palm to Whale Beach Big Swim (2.7km) and the Cole Classic (2km). Those not so attentive will have tuned out and not noted this fact at all...in fact they've probably hit the delete key already! As my training progressed I started to feel quite anxious about both goals really, but particularly about the Big Swim. Reliable intelligence had alerted me to the fact that this event is not called "Sydney's blue ribbon ocean swimming event" for nothing! Competitors have to deal with challenging swell conditions (think sensation of being in a washing machine), swimming at times almost alone out there in the big blue yonder (all sensible surf life saving craft tend to avoid said washing machine areas), potential for sea-sickness (and the associated vomiting), potential for nasty biting bluebottles and potential for being stuck quite far out with nasty stinging/hurty body........lots of potential really but not the sort that was making me feel very "glass half full"!!!
So, at about the christmas point, I had talked myself out of doing it. However, I wouldn't be me (and those of you that know me know that!!!) if I didn't tend to swing from one extreme to the other and as the swim approached I decided to quite literally take the plunge and register anyway. Perhaps I have consumed too much chlorine and sea water because I decided that despite the negative potential, there was also the possibility of immensely positive potential (even if that involved being hauled onto an inflatable rescue boat by two fabulously gorgeous life savers!!!).
Consequently, on Sunday 31st (that would be last sunday) Mike and I made the trek up to Palm Beach for the Big Swim. I affectionately (no really) nicknamed Mike my "handler" for the day and in my nerve-wridden state I certainly made him earn his bonus (which he will be asking for shortly!!) as he lathered sunscreen on me, gave me lots of water before the race and then accepted my dire instruction that if he failed to get a photo of me actually finishing the race his life would not be worth living (aah the joy of marriage!).
I will summarise the race as having three parts...these can be respectively referred to as pre-chunder, chunder and post-chunder (I'm nothing but not expressive!!!!)
Pre Chunder: Milled around amidst a pack of purple-cap wearing "mature" ladeees, whistle went and we ploughed into the surf. Lot's of heavy breathing (no life savers involved) and out to the first booooey. Had been told to consider this a "warm-up"! Next phase, towards the headland (refer attached map), this is where we had been told to "go wide" to attempt to avoid the backwash coming off the headland that can make it very treacherous (think washing machine analogy). Continued to swim, at times looking down into veeery deep water with dark shadows appearing and tried to keep sighting my marks to make sure I had not commenced swimming to New Zealand instead of Whale Beach!
Chunder: Elapsed time approx 45min, 43.5min of that had been in swell with lots of uuuuup then doooown then uppp then (splat) down all the while attempting to keep my stroke under control and not resort to some sort of stroke that could be confused with drowning. As I was considering the fact that I was sure I'd been looking at the same house up on the headland for at least 10 min and that geez I was quite buggered, my stomach decided to take matters into it's own hands and give my mind a bit of a distraction....by chucking up! Now, I know this is a revelation to some, but you can actually vomit whilst face down in the sea and it actually comes out!! I must say it's pretty hard to have a good cry when you are floating a kilometre or so out to sea, so after a nice word of encouragement from the guys (not half naked) on the IRB (that's inflateable rescue boat) I took off again...
Post-Chunder: Re-grouped and made for the final turning boooeey (or "can" if I'm being a smarty pants) and headed for shore. Could see the Whale Beach surf club and some rather nasty looking white water breaking and knew this would not be pretty....body surfing is something I'm going to have to take away from the Cantoo program assessed as "enthusiastic, but needs improvement" and sure enough, I was ingloriously dumped onto the beach...not to be dissuaded, I leapt up and believe it or not RAN up the sand to the cheers of my Cantoo support crew (not really there just for me but you know what I mean) and through the finish gate. My hunky handler was waiting with lots of appropriate words of comfort and congratulations and for once (sure to be received with amazement by many of you), I was SPEECHLESS. Mike thinks I barely said a word for 20min I was soooooo buggered!!!!
So, there you go...one down, one to go!! Cantoo journey is almost complete, the Cole Classic beckons this Sunday with quite alarming swell conditions currently buffeting Manly beach bringing with it a good number of those slimy suckers that I have so far avoided in my ocean swimming shenanigans...the Bluebottle. Assuming that some of you foreigners won't be familiar with the term, it is defined as a small jellyfish with a string-like stinger...it comes in large numbers usually and has a nasty propensity for wrapping those string-like stingers around your arms/legs/down the cossie and giving you a very unpleasant electric-shock sensation which leaves you looking like you've been whipped and feeling like you've been burnt...nice eh?

Last Sunday, whilst I was battling the conditions in the Big Swim, these little stingers made mince meat of competitors at beaches up and down the coast...but a little thing like this shall not deter me from tasting sweet success....................is that completely delusional or what??????????? Thanks again to all of you who have so generously contributed to the Cantoo cause - it is amazing to see the figure keep rising and I am so pleased you feel my pursuits deserve your support. Don't forget you can still contribute...you all know the drill http://www.cantoo.org.au/ Final update next week if the bluebottles haven't paralysed my hands!!!!!!!! 

Excuse Me Whilst I Fish The Sea Lice Out Of My Cossie!

Email #3 2009

Hello everyone!
Bet that subject matter got your attention...just one more of those interesting facts of ocean swimming that are being revealed to me...but more on that later! The countdown is on - just over three weeks to go to the Cole Classic when the elite of ocean swimming...and the not-so-elite will take to the sand and launch themselves into the fray.
With the frenetic christmas period over, it is time for the next instalment in my gripping struggle to attain that unreachable goal....okay, okay, getting carried away! Good news firstly - thanks to the many generous recipients of this email I have reached my minimum commitment of $1250....YEAH! For my efforts (and yours), I am now the proud owner of a fancy pair of Cantoo swimming togs - Orange (naturally) and black with plenty of Cantoo branding on the front and posterior which is only fair enough. Now, this wouldn't be any fun if there was no background to the cossie which I know you will ALL want to hear...so here goes!
On the Saturday of the week I hit my "fundraising star" target I was given a clear plastic bag containing my special cossie (a special cossie for a special person :)). As you can imagine, once home I jumped into the shower (refer previous emails for what I wash off aside from sand!!) and then made the dash into the bedroom to excitedly pull on my new cossie and get a look at my Cantoo majesty in the wardrobe mirror. Picture me, ripping the plastic bag off and pulling out my little bundle of lycra only to unveil........................... A PAIR OF MEN'S BUDGIE SMUGGLERS!!!
Now, I wouldn't be holding up the stereotypee of the irreverant ocker Aussie if I didn't take this opportunity to conduct some cultural education for all those recipients of this email NOT from our sunburnt shores....so FYI, the item that I was given is also variously known by the idioms "dick stickers"..."banana hammock"...or "slug huggers". Bottom line (excuse the pun) is that I had been inadvertantly given a pair of MEN'S speedos!!! Whilst I often think that my BMI (translation = basal metabolic index for the non-diet savvy of you) should be calculated on a MALE bone structure as I am completely screwed by my "heavy bones" as my mother fondly referred to them as, a pair of male speedos would do very little to corral those generous "gifts" from the boob fairy that were so kindly bestowed on me....I may have been loitering at the shallow end of the gene pool when they handed out light bones but I was swimming in the depths when they moved on to the mammary glands!! Consequently, men's speedos wouldn't be a good look...not on a thin day, not on a "I haven't eaten carbs in a decade" day and certainly not on a "three children later and those scales are definitely faulty" day!
Some of my humorous Cantoo cohorts asked if I tried them on at least..........aaah....NO! I just put them back in their little baggie and sent a VERY diplomatic email to our team captain suggesting there had been a mix-up (are you all surprised I COULD be tactful and diplomatic????).
Anyway, I was eventually given a swap and opened them in front of an audience of fellow participants who all wanted to check I'd finally got the correct pair! (Clarification from final proof-read of this email, that's "open" NOT tried on in front of fellow participants!!!) In the spirit of a superhero, the power of the lycra convinced me that I should see where all this training has got me and challenge myself to a "trial" swim prior to the Cole....so on Sunday, I took my place on the starting line (or actually a little ways behind it) at the North Bondi Roughwater 1km Ocean Swim...impressive title eh? The water was actually anything but rough, it was a beautiful morning, clear blue skies and crystal clear water...at least until we got past the first boooey (as they call them) and then it changed to a bit of "chop" (ocean swimming parlance for windy, bit of up and downy water, making it hard to breathey and making you a bit sea sickey!). That being said, I felt fantastic as I steadily made my way around the course and having decided to give it my all, actually RAN out of the water and across the finish line!!!! All jokes aside, if you want to learn the tricks of ocean swimming such as sighting landmarks, stroke technique etc then Cantoo trains you VERY well! As preparation for the 2km Cole Classic, it was a fantastic trial run and I was very pleased with myself...my cheer squad of Mike and the girls were suitable impressed too!
Now, I was going to educate you all on Sea Lice, but I've exhausted myself (and probably you) with all those images of my boobs, so I think I'll save the sea lice for another email!!!!

Ocean Swimming - The Adventure Begins (2009/2010)

Email 1 as follows:

Many of you will be aware that I have hit a major milestone this year turning 40....if any of you need proof of the impact this can have on one's thinking....read on!!!!
As a youngster, in those innocent days where sunscreen was still a foreign word and a good dose of sunburn would "harden" you up for the summer months ahead, I thought nothing better than spending my holidays (and there were soooo many of them when I was a student) lazing at the beach (or Essendon pool!) and frolicking in the waves out beyond the breakers. I was FEARLESS and neither shark, rip nor having to get out of the water at some point in my bathers (or cossie as they call it up her in NSW!) would phase me.
Then I hit the high points of getting older, which I will NOT bore you with...suffice to say weight gain, fear of leaving house in bathers, natural risk avoidance that comes with having children (not in that order...actually, YES in that order) and last summer I realized that for the FIRST time in my entire life, I was scared of going out into the waves. I determined to do something about this...that is once someone detatched that baby with the saturated swimming nappy from my hip and relieved me of the sand toys!! So, in the spirit of reclaiming the zone beyond the breakers I have embarked upon a HUUUUUUGE challenge...........the CANTOO OCEAN SWIM PROGRAM.
For those of you ignorant to the good work of the CanToo organization, go to www.cantoo.org.au and check it out! These tireless charity workers manage to combine raising money for Cancer research (a cause dear to my heart after mum's brush with breast cancer this year) with helping people of all shapes and sizes achieve their goals - whether it be running a marathon (clearly NOT me) or swimming an ocean race next February with a gazillion other nutters!!!!!!!
My goal is to swim the 2km Cole Classic at Manly on Sunday February 7th 2010. If I'm feeling REALLY good, I also intend to compete in the 2.5km Big Swim from Palm Beach to Whale Beach on January 31st 2010.
Now the way this works is that I get to do the hard slog of training for these events and in the process I raise money for Cancer research....and this is where you guys come in. I NEED YOU TO SPONSOR ME (yes, capitals - I'm yelling at you all!!!!) Any contribution will be appreciated and I WILL be emailing you over the next couple of months to keep you abreast (excuse the pun...they are coming in useful as flotation devices) of my progress. Go to www.cantoo.org.au and take the "sponsor a participant" pulldown...I know you're all internet savvy so this shall not daunt you!
I have had my first pool session where I got back into the swing of following the black line, and a surf session where we practised "wading" and "dolphin diving" to get out past the shore break (absolutely exhausting - if the event was yesterday I would have retired after getting out past the breakers!). I will be keeping a diary on my facebook page so if you're not already my friend, now is the time to become one to ensure a front row seat as I work towards my goal whilst maintaining my sense of humour in the face of wedgies and sand up my clacker! Yours in crazy act's of the 40yr old woman!